Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Great Hargeisa Goat Bubble

I came across this wonderful short story by Julian Gough, called The Great Hargeisa Goat Bubble. Here's an excerpt:

"After the final collapse of the Somali state, the confiscation of my property, the destruction of my possessions and my repeated relocation due to the to-ing and fro-ing of multiple overlapping civil wars, I eventually found myself in Hargeisa, owning only a goat."
"What was she called?"
"Who?"
"The Goat."
"She was a goat. She didn't have a name."
"I find it hard to follow a story without a name," I said. "It is a weakness in me."
"Call her anything you like."
"Can I call her Ethel?" I said, for I had a fondness for the name, it being the name of the unmarried sister of the Orphanage Cook.

Intrigued? It's wonderful, go and read it now.

It somehow reminded me of an email that went round years ago, about why the chicken crossed the road, based on very relevant political players of the time (2002).

Why did the chicken cross the road?

PHILLIP RUDDOCK: I don't care why the chicken crossed the road it should be sent back to where it came from. Who knows what might happen if we keep letting any old chicken cross the road. We could be inundated with them. Send them to the farmer up the road a bit and we can pay him to deal with the problem.

JEFF KENNETT: If the chicken did cross the road it should have been
fitted with an etag and should pay the same toll as all other road
users.

STEVE BRACKS: Regional chickens should have the same opportunities to
cross roads as chickens living in Melbourne.

JOHN HOWARD: The chick never crossed the road. And it was not forcibly removed from its mother! Anyway, that's a matter for the states and is of no interest to us. The United Nations should butt out.

KIM BEASLEY: There WAS a chicken and it DID cross the road. This is a
deliberate act by the government to hide the fact that chickens continue to cross Australian roads.

NATASHA STOTT-DESPOJA: What if it was not a chicken but a bantam?
Minority sectors of our community shouldn't be discriminated against
based purely on the size of their eggs and legs.

PETER COSTELLO: Accordingly to documentation submitted to the Live Foods Processing Authority, the chicken in question was uncooked at the Time of its journey and therefore will not incur a GST charge. However, if that chicken actually crossed the road for profit, regardless of its raw/cooked status, the road crossing would be considered by the ATO to be a service for which GST will be imposed.

PAULINE HANSON: Please explain.

ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is
that what you're telling me?

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed and that was good enough for
us.

REV FRED NILE: Because the chicken is gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the 'other side'. That's what 'they call it: the 'other side' Yes, my friends.

CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK: to boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true?

HANSIE CRONJE: What if I could guarantee that it won't get to the other side?

FREUD: the fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?

THE C.I.A: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken?
There was no chicken. Please step into the car.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you
mean by chicken? Could you define the word 'chicken'?

HOMER SIMPSON: mmmm Chicken.



All this talk of goat and chicken, I'm hungry!

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