Wednesday, November 19, 2008

An open letter to American Airlines and its passengers

Dear all,

Firstly, American Airlines, your ongoing selection of me for additional security testing on every single flight I've taken with you, and your complete and utter inability to explain why, sucks major eggs.

Secondly, serving a single cup of the non-alcoholic beverage of my choice does not constitute a "refreshment".

Thirdly, your inflight entertainment is woeful at best. "Meet Dave" was bad enough the first time around - it did not get any better on second or third inspections.

Finally, is it too much to ask to hire flight attendants who actually look like they give a crap about their jobs? Or who actually do their jobs?

To my fellow passengers - a few suggestions if I may be so bold:

Please. Please, when it comes time to find row 31 (hint: it's not right at the front and all the rows have the numbers on each and every arm rest), there is absolutely no need to piss fart around - putting your boarding pass bag in your bag, reapplying your lipstick or searching through your bag to find your earphones/ipod/lucky rabbit's foot - all the while blocking the aisle and causing a pile up of people behind you. Chuck your handbag on the seat (any seat in your row will do), get your carry-on into the overhead compartment, and get the hell out of the way.

When getting out of your seat for your fifth bathroom stop, or any of the ones preceeding it, you really don't need to grab the headrest of the seat in front of you. This causes that seat to be pulled back, and then released with some force when you let go, causing minor whiplash.

After you've done step one in reverse, and proceeded to cause another pile up of people wanting to get off the plane, please do not walk your family of four all abreast down the corrdior leading into the airport. There are people that don't need to walk at a snail's pace that really struggle to get around you.

I hope you'll consider my suggestions.

P.S. To the somewhat spunky paraglider (obviously going through an early mid life crisis) who tried to chat me up at the back of the plane where the hosties had set out self service water - your "so do you come here often" line was inspired.

1 comment:

  1. ooh, I am so using "do you come here often" next time. Maybe out the front of a public toilet, or to a waitress... oh the hilarity!